Tiger’s Apology: What’s the Point?

There has been much commentary and speculation about pro golfer Tiger Wood’s recent public apology.  Was it good? Was it sincere?  Was it necessary?

According to William Rhoden, writer for the New York Times, the nation’s obsession with Tiger Woods’ personal life and infidelity says more about our misguided priorities than it does about Woods.

I don’t disagree with Rhoden on that point, but in general, I believe most of the commentators are missing the point of the apology – or any apology.  To heal a wound, it must be done.

One of the most widely used and successful programs for overcoming addiction is the 12-step program.  The daddy of all twelve step programs, Alcoholics Anonymous, has two steps that require making amends.   Specifically:

Step 8: Make a list of all persons we had harmed and be willing to make amends to them all; and

Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

I believe that Woods had to make a public apology for his own healing – and for ours.  Writer Rhoden points out that until last November, Woods’s entire public life was a media-driven illusion. We, the public, were betrayed by Woods. And any betrayal left unaddressed, festers.

Did he do it well? That is a fascinating topic for the water cooler and last week’s cocktail party, but in the end, I believe it is not the issue.  The fact is, he did it. We achieve serenity in our lives by seeking forgiveness from those we have harmed.  They may not forgive, but if we don’t ask, we cannot begin to forgive ourselves.  

Check out the transcript, if you missed it live http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/20/sports/golf/20woodsstatement.html

Link to the Rhoden article: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/21/sports/golf/21rhoden.html

Grateful for Our Teachers

Teachers come to us in many forms and in many ways.  For me, the death of my second son Spenser was an amazing teacher.  It was the catalyst that reframed my perspective on what matters in life.  So while it was incredibly painful to lose my son, Spenser’s death gave me an enormous gift:  a second chance to focus on what matters:  especially the people I love and care about.

Spenser’s death also led me to a deep yoga practice.  The practice provided me with a way to quiet my mind and at the same time, it made my body stronger and more flexible.  It was one of the few things I could do after losing my son that started to poke a hole in the darkness of my soul where a little light could come through.  It was the beginning of recovery. 

So today, I am visiting my old southern California stomping grounds for the holidays.  I stop to take classes from some of the yoga teachers who unknowingly influenced the direction of my life and who have provided me with a go-to resource for finding joy:  Geo  Takoma in Laguna Beach http://geospoweryoga.com/index.php   and John Childers at Full Spectrum Yoga  http://www.fullspectrumyoga.com/. They are both still teaching, and they are passionate and dedicated to their yoga journey, albeit with very different styles of yoga. 

If you are interested in yoga, check these guys out.  Geo is now podcasting his classes at www.geospoweryogapodcast.com  and he offers a kick butt 45 minute power yoga THE WARRIOR SERIES DVD on his site at http://geospoweryoga.com/buy.php which I have used for years to stay in shape – and often give as a gift.   John offers a whole nother resource on his site – strap yoga – a deep and gentle way to dig into all those sore joints and areas that you didn’t even know were bugging you – oh – and open your heart at the same time: http://www.fullspectrumyoga.com/. Both offerings are accessible to all levels of practice and will assist you in improved health and well-being.

Not that I am suggesting yoga is for everyone.  It’s not.  Yoga may not be your thing, but I encourage you to find and to nurture that which is your thing.  What is your go-to passion that provides you comfort in the darkest times?  Who and what have been your greatest teachers?  What are you grateful for?   If you can answer these questions, I believe you are very blessed indeed.

Happy Holidays.

Can Bad Things Turn Good?

In my worse moments when things are not going well – like I’ve sustained an injury, or I can’t find my house keys – you know all that annoying stuff – I don’t always see the positive.  In fact, I usually can’t even believe that there is a positive. But honestly, over time, when I look back at some of the most difficult times in my life, I realize that those challenges either made me 1) smarter, better, kinder or more empathetic, and/or 2) they gave me something that that led to something worthwhile.  For example, had I not suffered a serious back injury, would I have developed the awesome yoga practice that now is a key component of my mental health and physical wellness?

 There are countless stories of people who faced adversity both large and small, only to find that tremendous opportunity resulted from that very thing that seemed so painful and difficult.  Here’s a silly story but a good example: In 2008, musician Dave Carroll (www.davecarrollmusic.com) gets on a United flight with his band. Forced to check his guitar, he is horrified when he sees his $3500 Taylor guitar being tossed around the tarmac. In the process, the guitar was smashed along the base and couldn’t be repaired. After Dave worked with United Airlines for months to try to get some compensation, and was not only refused any remedy but also overlooked, inconvenienced and abused, he told United that he would write and produce three songs and videos about his guitar experience and post them on YouTube; which he did.  And as of today, October 17, his first United video has garnered over 5.5 million views.

But that’s not the punch line. The punch line is that this incident, and Dave’s reaction to it, increased the interest in his band’s music far beyond anything else he’s done in his 20 year career as a musician, according to an interview he gave to Wood & Steel Magazine.  Even better, the article reports that the success of his viral video campaign has landed him gigs as a lecturer on social networking and customer service! 

So, who really knows what possibilities might result from misfortune?

Next time you consider your own difficulties, re-examine them.  Did something really good and juicy come out of them?  While no one wants bad things to happen, and truly, we all wish they didn’t, can you be open to the possibility that the challenge you’re facing might just be the first step toward something good?