Delicious

What is delicious?  A dear friend, and a loyal blog reader now turned muse, advised me that I haven’t written much about making life or work delicious lately. Thank you for that wakeup call!  So let’s talk delicious!

For me, delicious living is like an orgasm for your soul.  What does that mean? It’s when I access that perfect point of satisfied stillness in the center of my being and couple it with an experience of great joy, beauty or gratitude and time ceases to exist – even for a moment.

Here are examples of some of my delicious moments:

Running outside on a clear crisp spring morning surrounded by gorgeous birds, pink and purple flowers and the smell of freshly cut grass;

Savoring a creamy cup of coffee at an outside café on a warm sunny day with a good friend, chatting and watching the world go by;

Burying my nose in a bunch of lilacs and breathing in the fragrance again and again, so beautiful and so fleeting;

Allowing myself to go back to bed when I’m tired;

A conversation with my son filled with truth and laughter;

Finding exactly the right word to cinch the meaning of the thought;

Damp sand squishing between my toes at the end of a long, hot day;

Curling up with a yummy book and a fleece in the late afternoon and dozing off; and

Helping a friend find a smile.

In short, delicious is a little bit of heaven on earth It seems to occur when I can tap into my “sensual” (sight, smell, taste, touch or hearing) experience of the world and allow that to touch me.  My list could go on and on, and hopefully, yours does too.  Just visualizing those scenarios allows me to touch a feeling of delicious satisfaction.

There have been times when this was not true for me. Yes, I’ve been burned out, stressed out, resentful, depressed, and had times when no joy seemed possible. And yet, each time, I have climbed out of the abyss.

How?  Usually by giving myself one tiny thing that felt good: breaking a routine: sleeping later and going to work a little later, challenging my perspective, taking a different route, listening  to music, trying a new exercise, eating  a cantaloupe melon, watching an old movie, whatever!  In short, I sat still long enough to imagine one thing that sounded even a little good and then found a way to gift it to myself.

Now I manifest at least one delicious moment a day.  Is that possible for you?  Maybe you are already leading a completely delicious life.  If so, FANTASTIC!  Share! Tell us your secret!  We want to know the details (as long as they’re legal and it doesn’t harm others)!

On the other hand, if you are really struggling, and face serious issues, like health problems, physical or emotional abuse or addiction, please seek professional help.  There are times when outside assistance is necessary to feel better.

Then again, if you find yourself unable to access delicious moments, and it seems to be good old-fashioned burn out and stress, or lack of self-care, see if you can identify how to get a glimmer of relief.  What might it be?  What are you sensing and experiencing in each moment?  What are you smelling, seeing, hearing, touching, tasting?

What is getting in the way? If, for example, you hate your job but you aren’t in a good position to quit, can you find ½ an hour a day to look for a new job?  Or, can you change one small thing that makes the situation more acceptable?  A fun example that I seem to recall  is that genius artist and director, Tim Burton  mentioned that he never felt quite right in his corporate job until he started wearing red and white striped socks to work.

What simple actions can you take to relieve a little pressure in your pain balloon and create space for some deliciousness?

Whatever it is, as long as it’s not unhealthy or hurtful, go for it.  You deserve joy.    For more ideas, try reading “The Joy Diet,” or “Finding Your North Star” by Martha Beck.  Beck’s  a pretty smart lady, and the architect of a rather delicious life.

Happy cooking!

BY THE WAY, I AM MOVING THE LOCATION OF THIS BLOG – SO IT IS MORE FUNCTIONAL.  CHECK IT OUT AT www.7layerliving.com

Best!

TeriLeigh on Stress Induced Nausea : Too Much Fire!

Fire is our passion, and holds our desire and our drive to get things done.  When we get stressed by our ‘to do’ lists, too much fire builds up in our system and can often manifest in digestive discomfort coupled with difficulty sleeping.

A wide stance simple chair twist is a detoxifying pose that clears the excess fire in the system.

TeriLeigh demonstrates Chair Twist

 (This pose is also called Parvrtta Utkatasana…aka prayer twist) After a few breaths on each side, drink a few sips of lukewarm water and sink into child’s pose, a slight inversion.  The hinging at your hips will stimulate the second chakra of water. Coupled with the water you just drank, your firey insides will start to settle.

Child's Pose, courtesy Yoga Journal

Forward Fold, courtesy Yoga Journal

Then, as you are ready, come to a deeper inversion in ragdoll pose.

(Use this picture as a guide, but you don’t need to fold so deeply – in fact, in rag doll, you cross your arms instead of touching the ground.)  The grounding of your feet in ragdoll secures the root chakra and provides earth to your system, providing the nurturing you need to feel safe.

Ultimately, these three poses activate the para-sympathetic nervous system, slow the heart rate and lower the blood pressure.  The whole session lasts about 5 minutes, and the stomach grumblies will subside and allow you to sleep.

You might just wake up right as rain, more balanced with earth, water, and fire.

Thanks to TeriLeigh for her helpful tip!  Check her schedule page to see if she is coming to your town.

If you are new to yoga and have more questions in general, another good resource is http://yoga.about.com/od/typesofyoga/u/yogastyles.htm

Namaste!

According to Roth, “The bottom line, whether you weigh 340 pounds or 150 pounds, is that when you eat when you are not hungry you are using food as a drug, grappling with a feeling or making yourself numb.”  “Eat what you want when you are hungry and feel what you feel when you are not!”

Roth says that we treat our bodies as if they are the enemy and the only acceptable outcome is annihilation.  But the truth is that kindness, not hatred is the answer.  The shape of your body obeys the shape of your beliefs about love, value and possibility.   When you abuse yourself (by taunting or threatening yourself), you become a bruised human being no matter how much you weigh.

So what can you do?  Roth has some processes that I haven’t yet tried, so here are the ones I’ve learned:

 1) Become aware of your feelings and your thoughts when you overeat; 2) Be kind and compassionate with yourself 3) Get help and support: use free or paid resources  like Oprah Winfrey’s website, read Martha Beck’s FOUR DAY WIN or Geneen Roth’s books, or get her programs, or get a life/weight coach!

As promised in my weight loss post from January, here is an approach for dealing with negative thoughts and feelings that come up when you catch yourself in the act of overeating.  In short,  identify the negative thought, write it down, question it like a curious child, (not a self-hate monger) and see if you can start to transform it.  Here’s how it works:

• What am I feeling?  How am I feeling in my body in this moment?
• What am I thinking that is causing this feeling?  Write down your stream of consciousness for three to 10 minutes.  Even that act may stop a binge!
• Review your negative thought(s) – are they really, absolutely true? They may feel true, but most thoughts, are created in our minds by our fears and our habits (E.g. My kids are out of control and they are wearing me out.) and can be changed!
• Can you come up with a few examples of how your negative thought isn’t always true? (E.g. My kids get to school on time, they get decent grades and they come home every night)
• How can I reframe my negative thought to be true or truer? (E.g., My kids just have a high need for attention; I am out of control with my kids, My kids are in control of me!) Is there a germ of wisdom in there that helps you think about the problem in a new way? What is your role in the situation? BIG HINT: Usually, you can most effectively change things that relate to yourself since that is usually all that is within your total control: your thinking, your behavior, your responses.
• What reasonable and doable steps can I take to make this feeling/problem/issue better?  (e.g. I don’t have to be in control of my kids, but I will take them out to play every afternoon so they can burn off more energy; I won’t respond by yelling, I will just give them consequences and stick with those consequences, I will ask my partner for help and suggestions how to handle this better, etc. )

In summary – Ask yourself, can I change my thinking or, can I change a circumstance to make a situation better? If I can deal with the real feeling, then the need to overeat to avoid the feeling becomes less over time.

Here is a Questioning Your Thoughts Worksheet that you can print off and use to assist you with your reframing process.  Good luck and take care of yourself! You are totally worth it.

And if you are exercising, keep up the good work.  Over time, you can add intensity or intervals, or even extend your workout. A little can go a long way whether you are starting or adding on.  If weight loss is your primary goal, it may take a little longer to lose when you start slowly, but if you want to keep weight off, researchers say exercise is the way to go.

Five Good Reasons to Exercise – Even a Little Bit:

• JUST STANDING CAN HELP YOU LOSE WEIGHT: A recent New York Times article  reviewing the pros and cons of exercise, cited a yet to be published study by Barry Braun, an associate professor of kinesiology at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst.  Braun and his colleagues asked volunteers to spend an entire day sitting. On a separate occasion, Braun asked the same volunteers to stand for the entire day – nothing more.  According to Braun, the difference was remarkable.  It seems that standing, for both men and women, burned “hundreds of calories” but did not ignite hunger. The conclusion, Braun says is that if you want to lose weight, you don’t necessarily have to go for a long run, “just get rid of your chair.”
• PREVENT WEIGHT GAIN: Two experts, Joseph Donnelly, Ed.D., FACSM, and John Jakicic, Ph.D., FACSM, at a 2010 American College of Sports Medicine’s  Health & Fitness seminar noted that exercise is a key component of obesity prevention and reduction. Donnelly says exercise is especially useful for preventing weight gain from ever happening. Exercising 30 to 60 minutes per day burns 200 to 600 calories – enough to prevent weight gain and to promote weight loss. Excessive amounts of activity aren’t necessary. (View full article here)
• REDUCE ANXIETY: In a study appearing in the Feb. 22 edition of the Archives of Internal Medicine, researchers analyzed the results of 40 randomized clinical trials involving nearly 3,000 patients with a variety of medical conditions. They found that, on average, patients who exercised regularly reported a 20 percent reduction in anxiety symptoms compared to those who did not exercise. (Read more here)
• FEEL HAPPIER, LESS DEPRESSED: In yet another study, Jasper Smits, director of the Anxiety Research and Treatment Program at Southern Methodist University in Dallas says, “Exercise has been shown to have tremendous benefits for mental health. Exercise can fill the gap for people who can’t receive traditional therapies because of cost or lack of access, or who don’t want to because of the perceived social stigma associated with these treatments,” he says. He added that, “After just 25 minutes, your mood improves, you are less stressed, you have more energy — and you’ll be motivated to exercise again tomorrow. A bad mood is no longer a barrier to exercise; it is the very reason to exercise.” (Read more here)
• FIGHT CANCER AND OTHER DISEASES: There are many studies that cite exercise as a way to ward off disease.  And recently, the American Cancer Society recommended that  women can reduce their risk of breast cancer with 45 to 60 minutes of physical activity five or more days a week. Another study from the Women’s Health Initiative stated that as little as 1.25 to 2.5 hours per week of brisk walking reduced a woman’s risk by 18%. Walking 10 hours a week reduced the risk a little more. (Get more details)

So what are you waiting for?  Okay, maybe you need a note from the doctor, but otherwise, get moving – every little bit counts!

This kind of blaming and labeling is not only unkind, but perhaps more importantly, it doesn’t usually yield lasting results.  Maybe we can guilt ourselves into not eating a second piece of chocolate cake, or maybe we can get someone to do something we want in that moment, but will it last? Is it motivating?  Loving? Helpful?  In general, critical language doesn’t accomplish much except to make ourselves or others feel badly. 

I recently attended a workshop on “nonviolent communication”, a process created in the 1960’s by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg and I quickly learned just how damaging judgmental thinking and speaking can be.   As soon as we label, blame or threaten someone (including ourselves), we break the connection with them.  Rather than moving closer to resolution or to having our needs met, we move further into anger, guilt, resentment and pain.

The way Rosenberg explains it is that we tend to classify and analyze the wrongness of others rather than acknowledge what it is we need – and what it is that we are not getting.  His excellent example:  If my partner wants more affection than I’m giving him, then he is “needy and dependent.”  On the other hand, if I want more affection than he’s giving me, then he’s “aloof and insensitive.”   Can you see how criticism of someone else  may actually be a tragic expression of our own values and needs?

What Rosenberg suggests is that since all of us have needs, if we can express them along with how we feel, we can deliver clear, empathetic communication.  Imagine this: I say to my husband, “I feel like I’m married to a wall.”  What’s his response likely to be?

“You’re a wall” is not very directive about what I need. Compare that to, “I’m feeling lonely and would like more emotional contact with you.”   The second approach acknowledges my feelings and needs rather than putting the responsibility for how I feel on someone else. Which statement do you think is more likely to get an empathetic response?

Not that everyone will always willingly give us what we need just because we share!  But this process gets us closer to that possibility by acknowledging responsibility for our own feelings and by giving us a better chance of being heard.  So next time you want to lash out at someone, think about it first. What are you feeling?  What do you want?  Can you express your feelings and needs in an honest and open way?  It takes work and practice (and even a little courage) to be vulnerable, but if you value the relationship with the other person, this approach can be incredibly worthwhile.   Try it on yourself.  When you are about to blame or guilt yourself, take a good look at what you really feel and want and then decide, is there a way to take care of yourself so you actually get what you need?

There is much to share about this rich practice, including its many applications in conflict resolution.  To learn more, check out Rosenberg’s book “Nonviolent Communication” and visit www.cnvc.org . Here’s a short video! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bydhuxilg_A

According to wellness guru Andrew Weil, M.D., “Practicing regular, mindful breathing can be calming and energizing and can even help with stress-related health problems ranging from panic attacks to digestive disorders.”

How could this be true? A Yoga Journal article by yogi and author Richard Rosen, states that by slowing and regulating the breath we engage our parasympathetic nervous system, a complex biological mechanism that calms and soothes us. He continues to explain that in stressful times, we typically breathe too rapidly. This leads to a buildup of oxygen in the bloodstream and a corresponding decrease in the relative amount of carbon dioxide, which in turn upsets the ideal pH level of the blood.  This creates a condition known as respiratory alkalosis that can result in muscle twitching, nausea, irritability, light-headedness, confusion, and anxiety.

In contrast, slowing the breath raises the carbon dioxide level in the blood, which nudges the pH level back to a less alkaline state. As the blood’s pH changes, the parasympathetic nervous system calms us in a variety of ways, including the secretion of acetylcholine by the vagus nerve, a substance that lowers our heart rate.

Guess what else? 70% of waste is eliminated through your lungs!  According to the Tao of Breathing by Dennis Lewis, 70% of our body’s waste products are eliminated via our lungs and the rest through the urine, skin and feces. When  our lung efficiency is reduced by poor breathing, less oxygen is available to our cells, which slows down the flow of blood carrying wastes from the kidneys and lungs. Our lymphatic system which fights off viral and bacterial invaders is weakened along with a slower digestive process. Visit his site  http://www.authentic-breathing.com/  for more information.

RESOURCES: So if you want to give conscious breathing a try, here are some resources to help you with better, healthy breathing:

Dr. Weil has a free guide to breathing on his site or you can get a PDF  of it http___www_drweil_com_three-breathing-exercises_html of it by clicking this link. 

Another terrific tool for assisting with mindful breathing is BreatheText.com.  http://breathetext.com/ The site will send you a ringtone once a day that will remind you to breathe few deep, cleansing breaths. You can also follow @Breathetext on Twitter.

And if you are really into breathing, you can attend a workshop at the Power of Breath Institute in New Hampshire.  Check out their site http://www.authentic-breathing.com for training and certification programs.

If you do nothing else, most importantly, as the Anna Nalick song says, “Just breathe.”

Bottom line: while magnesium and calcium work together, magnesium controls the entry of calcium into each and every cell. So when it comes to building healthy bones, magnesium is as important as calcium and vitamin D.  Without adequate magnesium, too much calcium gets inside the cell which is not optimal for health.

Apparently, in 1997, The National Academy of Sciences found that most Americans were deficient in magnesium. Contributing factors include food processing  and modern farming practices that remove much of the magnesium that is  naturally found in certain foods; and taking medications including antacids, common diuretics, birth control pills, insulin, tetracycline and other antibiotics, and cortisone that interfere with magnesium absorption in the body.

That’s not good! Magnesium is essential for the functioning of more than 300 different enzymes in the body.  In short, living without adequate levels of magnesium is like trying to operate a machine with the power off. And like a machine, it’s likely to malfunction. Here are some health conditions associated with the cramping and constrictions that can be attributed to a magnesium deficiency: Anxiety and panic attacks, asthma, constipation, heart disease, hypertension, infertility, nerve problems and muscle spasms as well as obstetrical problems.

Northrup cites that according to Carolyn Dean, M.D., N.D., author of The Magnesium Miracle (Ballantine Books, 2007), there are other issues associated with magnesium deficiency as well, including: blood clots, bowel disease, cystitis, depression, detoxification, diabetes, fatigue, hypoglycemia, insomnia, kidney disease, kidney stones, musculoskeletal conditions, osteoporosis, Raynaud’s syndrome, and even tooth decay. Northrup says that Dr. Dean also reports that she’s seen magnesium improve patients’ PMS, painful periods, chronic fatigue, and fibromyalgia.

Supplementing With Magnesium

According to Northrup, today’s diets contain an average of 10 times more calcium than magnesium although the optimal ratio of calcium to magnesium in the diet should be 1:1.

She recommends that you use supplements that contain magnesium. While there’s considerable variation among individuals as to the ideal amount of magnesium to take, Northrup suggests you keep your calcium intake between 800-1,400 mg per day, adding enough magnesium to balance it. For example, if you take 1,000 mg of calcium per day, you need at least 500-800 mg of magnesium.

Magnesium comes in many forms. Magnesium oxide or chloride is fine, as is chelated magnesium. Capsules usually contain 250-500 mg of magnesium. You can also use a calcium/magnesium supplement. Experiment with levels. The Recommended Daily Allowance (RDA) for magnesium is 350-400 mg per day, although for optimal levels, you may need as much as twice that amount.

It’s best to take magnesium in divided doses throughout the day. You can take it either on an empty stomach or with meals. You can also add Epsom salts to your baths–Epsom salt is magnesium sulfate. It’s absorbed through the skin and will help replenish magnesium stores.

Testing for proper levels of the nutrient is difficult. Only one percent of the body’s magnesium is in the blood, and the body will take it from bones and tissues if that level drops. That means that a blood test could easily show a normal reading, even when the rest of the body is very deficient.

For more information about magnesium, visit the association’s Web site at www.nutritionalmagnesium.org. Additionally, Northrup recommends Dr. Dean’s The Magnesium Miracle.

According to Wikipedia  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nia_(fitness)  Nia stands for Neuromuscular Integrative Action and it’s a physical conditioning program based on the idea that movement is a pathway for self-discovery and personal transformation.  Created in 1983 by Debbie Rosas (now Debbie Rosas Stewart) and Carlos Rosas (now Carlos AyaRosas), it’s also terrific for whole-body conditioning.   

Actually, it’s fun.  The session I attended was two hour Nia master class led by founder AyaRosas and it kicked my butt.  Taking the class from one of the founders was a blast because his passion and commitment are palpable. In a typical one-hour class, a certified Nia instructor plays music and leads you through rhythmic movements that combine principles from yoga, martial arts and dance.  There is also time given to free-form creative movement, singing, and other vocalizations. 

Rosas teaching Nia

For me it’s perfect because I love to dance but I rarely get out to clubs anymore and I can’t remember a dance routine to save my life.  Two other good reasons to do Nia are that you don’t have to be a great dancer and you don’t need a partner. Basically, you can be as goofy and as free as you wish – because everyone else is! Moving like this made me remember how good it feels to move with total freedom and abandon.  It was like being a carefree kid again.

If you think this might be an interesting addition to your fitness routine, check out the official Nia website http://www.nianow.com/  for more information and local opportunities. Many gyms and yoga studios also offer classes.

Genius & Joyful Bobby McFerrin

Yesterday, I had the privilege of seeing genius at work: Bobby McFerrin’s matinee performance at the Boston Symphony Hall on March 21 was amazing.    

McFerrin created contagious joy as he shared his vocal inventions and invited us, the audience, to collaborate in the role of back-up orchestra.  In a way, McFerrin, well-known singer and conductor really didn’t sing as much as he played.  And we, as if we were all talented and obedient children, gleefully played with him, enjoying the simplicity of our own voices.  

You may remember him as the guy who sings “Don’t Worry – Be Happy” as I did before attending this performance.  I knew that he used his voice, his microphone and his body as his primary instruments – but I did not know that he would so completely engage and entertain a few thousand people for two full hours doing just that!   I highly recommend that you visit his YouTube postings and his site bobbymcferrin.com to get a glimpse of what he offers – because I can’t find right enough words do justice to the experience. 

However, I do want to comment on the inspirational lessons I learned by observing a creative craftsman at work.  McFerrin has transformed the art of vocal improvisation to a renowned art form.  Because he was generous enough to answer audience questions post performance, I was able to ask him how he discovered his art.  I was fully expecting that he had accidentally happened upon it.  But no – first he conceived of it and then he spent six years transforming his vision into action.  I am paraphrasing, but essentially, McFerrin said that at the age of 27, when he decided to go from pianist to singer  – he had a vision that he wanted to be able to improvise vocally in a similar way to what he had seen Keith Jarrett, composer and pianist, achieve on the piano.  He told us that he learned to listen and observe very carefully, and after working at it for six years, he was able to craft a vocal performance skill that began to meet his expectations. 

Lesson number one for me:  Great accomplishments and art, (even if you have some genetic talent) often takes work and vision!  Serendipitous that also that same day, the New York Times reviewed a book called “The Genius in All of Us” by David Shenk. Reviewer Annie Murphy Paul sums up the book’s concept, “…think of talent not as a thing, but as a process; not as something we have, but as something we do.”  Further support for this principle is also evidenced in Daniel Coyle’s book “The Talent Code.”  The book’s subhead says it all, “Greatness Isn’t Born.  It’s Grown. Here’s How.” 

I find these are thought provoking resources for those of us who dream of doing great things. 

Lesson number two for me:  To allow maximum creative flow, I believe one is best served by being completely present and comfortable in one’s own skin.  McFerrin’s improvisations and connection with the audience are astounding.  Imagine how different that experience might have been had McFerrin been consumed by fear or worry?   I don’t believe he could have delivered.  I also don’t believe that the audience would have felt the joy that radiated through our hearts had that been the case.  Such a state of relaxed being can be learned and there are many paths to get there.  Any mindfulness practices, such as meditation or yoga are often helpful.  In some cases, therapy or life coaching may also assist.  Check out this link http://www.umassmed.edu/cfm/home/index.aspx  for additional information about mindfulness. 

While I may never be a genius and my mindfulness is a work in progress, many thanks to Bobby McFerrin for providing a great afternoon and the inspiration to keep practicing my way toward greatness.  And in the meantime, per his direction, I won’t worry – and neither should you.